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Loving You

 

You warned me it wouldn't be easy,

I find it's even harder than that.

Just when I think I begin

to understand the intricacies

of your mind,

of your heart,

I get an unexpected jolt

of come-uppance.

It was easier before we loved.

We had the pact to bind us -

honesty was assured.

Now because we love,

we hide sometimes our true feelings,

hide to spare each other,

hide because we love too much.

Never sure whether

I'm loving you hard enough

or too hard,

I fumble to fathom

the right way,

say the right words;

when you're in my arms I often don't know

whether you want me to love you full out

or hold back and just hold you close.

The occasional, sudden sparks from your fiery temper

make me jump back in confusion;

I am struck by the startling contrast of that darker you,

the you we both call your 'evil twin',

to the tenderness of the you

whose lips nibble lovingly at my ear,

or the you whose fingers curl softly around my neck

to pull me closer,

or the you who rests softly against my chest.

I grope in darkness to discover

the nuances of your soul;

time after time I come up

empty-handed, always thinking

I know more about you

than I find I really do.

I ache to become one

with your heart,

with your mind,

with your soul,

but it is not an easy quest.

Carl

December, 99