Never sure whether

I'm loving you hard enough

or too hard,

I fumble to fathom

the right way,

say the right words;

when you're in my arms I often don't know

whether you want me to love you full out

or hold back and just hold you close.

The occasional, sudden sparks from your fiery temper

make me jump back in confusion;

I am struck by the startling contrast of that darker you,

the you we both call your 'evil twin',

to the tenderness of the you

whose lips nibble lovingly at my ear,

or the you whose fingers curl softly around my neck

to pull me closer,

or the you who rests softly against my chest.

I grope in darkness to discover

the nuances of your soul;

time after time I come up

empty-handed, always thinking

I know more about you

than I find I really do.

I ache to become one

with your heart,

with your mind,

with your soul,

but it is not an easy quest.

Carl

December, 99